我不是个完美的人。
我有无限的缺陷。
我不懂得爱你。
我从来不顾你的感受。
我觉得自己很自私。
我只是希望你对我好，
但自己却不懂得付出。
我对不起你。
曾经因为爱，
伤害了你。
当时的我，漠不关心，
不知道你为我伤心哭泣，
不知道你为了这段感情，
默默地忍受我的孩子气。
而我，
只懂得让你伤心，
不懂得施予你安慰。
当时，
我思念的女人，
不是你。
我不想耍你的感情，
无原因地离开你。
我知道，
你那时候的心情，
就像玻璃晶球一样，
掉落在地面，
彻彻底底地破碎。
我想，
你一定会恨我，
恨我为什么要分手，
恨我欺骗你的感情。
可是，
你并没有这么做。
你，
是一个很坚强的女孩。
你并没有继续迁就，
没有疯狂地想念我。
但，
你留意我的存在。
瞬间，
又过了两年。
这段日子里，
我从风风雨雨走过来，
女朋友就像换衣服那样，
不喜欢就换。
人老了，累了。
就算换衣服，
有时候也会舍不得。
爱情沧桑里，
落泪，
是必经的事。
表面上无事，
内心里却在厮吼，
伸冤自己的爱情路，
为什么不比别人好？
总是跌跌撞撞？
我们已经两年
没有谈天了。
直到那天，
看见你在MSN出现，
突然很想和你说话。
我以为又会是客套话。
忽然，
你向我提起部落格一事。
我很惊讶，
你竟然还在读着它？
我知道，
你很不简单，
你还关心我。
当时候，我知道
我要找的人，
就是你。
那时我才刚和前女友分手不久，
不瞒你说，我其实是个花心的男人，
和前女友分手之后，
我感到好孤独。
遇回你让我重新爱上你，
爱着你的纯真，你的可爱。
刚开始，你还是像以往那样害羞。
每天陪伴我谈天说地的人，
就是你。
好想让你知道我已经爱上你，
但，我害怕被你拒绝，
毕竟我曾伤过你的心。
你告诉我你还保留着
我送给你的礼物。
虽然我不曾送你贵重的礼物，
因为我并不是什么富家孩子，
家庭经济比不上你，
可是你从没嫌弃过我，
还很乐意地保留着
那些我送你的小小礼物。
我很高兴，很开心。
高兴，是因为你并不像
其他的贵家富女那样
瞧不起我，轻视我。
开心，是因为你
依然把我放在你心中。
虽然在这漫长的日子里，
你挂念的男人，或许不会是我，
但是，你还记得我，珍惜我。
后来，我终于鼓起勇气向你表白。
起初，我以为你不会再接受我。
谁知道，我错了。
你考虑了好一阵子，
接受了我。
从那一刻起，我知道，
我的人生再也不一样的了。
爱上你，是多么美妙的事。
虽然我们相见的时间不长，
但阻止不了我对你的爱。
我知道，我不可以再让你伤心，
我更知道，我的生命里，
再也不可以缺少你。
人家说爱情，就像股票，
你赌得越多，输得越惨。
我也和那些赌徒没什么两样，
因为，我已经把
我全部的爱给了你。
我很希望你可以了解
我说的全都是真心话。
或许，你不会100%相信我，
我只是希望你可以给我时间，
因为只有时间，
才可以证明我对你的爱。
我实在很后悔当初
为什么选择要离开你。
我后悔你为了我哭泣。
我很难过，我恨自己
让你心中留下一条伤疤。
无论多少的甜言蜜语，
无论我付出多少的爱，
也不可能除掉你内心中的疤。
因此，我对你发誓
再也不会离开你。
我会永远地爱着你。
我要你成为
这世上最开心的女人。
我会取你为妻，
无论生，老，病，死，
我依然会守候着你。
我要和你建立
一个美满的家庭，
给你最好的一切。
这是我对你的承诺。
我很对不起你，
因为我不是一个完美的人。
我很容易吃醋，我妒忌，
我不喜欢你提起别的男人。
因为这个缺陷，
我知道自己
已无法自拔，
我不能失去你，
不能让你拥入别人的怀抱中。
不能看见你牵起别人的手。
我担心，我害怕。
担心有一天，你不会在爱我，
害怕有一天，你会悄悄地离开。
我相信你，
因为我知道，
你是个忠心的女孩。
只是我的过去给我留下阴影，
我不知道没有你在身边的日子要怎么过。
我不知道万一你走了，
我是否还有勇气抬头。
不，我不能让你再次离开。
我很自私，我要拥有你，
我想霸据你，占为己有。
我这样做，对吗？
身为一个男人，
我觉得自己好无能。
只懂得开口说爱你，
却不懂得用行动来证明。
我也觉得自己好无赖，
为了一点儿小事发脾气。
只懂得从我个人的角度去看，
却不了解你的感受。
你是个好女孩，
你不必向我道歉。
因为，错的是我。
常常要你默默忍受我的脾气，
真是委屈了你。
对不起。
我配不起你。
你是天使，
我是恶魔。
和你在一起，
也等于加重你的负担。
你曾三番四次为我
做出伟大的事情，
我从来不懂得感恩。
(Incomplete)
Tuesday, December 22, 2009
A Life Without You
Its our 3rd month today.
21st of December 2009.
This is the day i'm looking forward.
In fact I look forward upon
This special day every month.
Because it actually represents
The days we shared together,
The ups and downs we had been through,
The joy and tears we kept in our hearts.
But this day,this month,
You're 2864 miles away from me.
I felt sad.
I've been lonely when you left.
It seems better if you didn't say that you'll leave.
At least,I feel better that way.
I'm a talkactive person,
And you're the one who accompany me,
Talk to me,make me laugh
When I'm alone or feeling lonely.
But now,
The missing of your pressence
Took a big part away from me.
I've had no one to talk to,
No one that I can fully trust,
No one that can give me more love,
No one that is able to stand my stupid attitude,
And no one to share my thoughts
And my future with.
I miss you.
You probably hear this everyday,
Perhaps you can't feel that
What I'm saying is
Purely out of love towards you,
But I want you to know
That what I ever said to you,
Comes truely deep down from my heart.
Without your presence,
I've been burying myself
With books,movies,games...
With a slight hope that
I can forget about the awful pain
Of having to miss you
And that I can't see you right now,
Nor that I could even talk to you,
To tell you how much it hurts,
To tell you that I want to be with you forever.
Forgive me.
I'm no sweet talker.
I do not know how to speak like one.
I do not know how to show you my love.
But one thing,
I can be very sure of
Is that,
I love you.
Do not worry about me.
I want you to have fun there in Korea.
You can hardly enjoy outstation trips,
Therefore,
I think its best for you to enjoy yourself,
Instead of being worry
About this sick old boyfriend of yours here in Malaysia.
Do take care of yourself
When I'm not around.
I guess I'll just have to wait a little while longer.
And a little while
To miss you even more.
-Jack-
21st of December 2009.
This is the day i'm looking forward.
In fact I look forward upon
This special day every month.
Because it actually represents
The days we shared together,
The ups and downs we had been through,
The joy and tears we kept in our hearts.
But this day,this month,
You're 2864 miles away from me.
I felt sad.
I've been lonely when you left.
It seems better if you didn't say that you'll leave.
At least,I feel better that way.
I'm a talkactive person,
And you're the one who accompany me,
Talk to me,make me laugh
When I'm alone or feeling lonely.
But now,
The missing of your pressence
Took a big part away from me.
I've had no one to talk to,
No one that I can fully trust,
No one that can give me more love,
No one that is able to stand my stupid attitude,
And no one to share my thoughts
And my future with.
I miss you.
You probably hear this everyday,
Perhaps you can't feel that
What I'm saying is
Purely out of love towards you,
But I want you to know
That what I ever said to you,
Comes truely deep down from my heart.
Without your presence,
I've been burying myself
With books,movies,games...
With a slight hope that
I can forget about the awful pain
Of having to miss you
And that I can't see you right now,
Nor that I could even talk to you,
To tell you how much it hurts,
To tell you that I want to be with you forever.
Forgive me.
I'm no sweet talker.
I do not know how to speak like one.
I do not know how to show you my love.
But one thing,
I can be very sure of
Is that,
I love you.
Do not worry about me.
I want you to have fun there in Korea.
You can hardly enjoy outstation trips,
Therefore,
I think its best for you to enjoy yourself,
Instead of being worry
About this sick old boyfriend of yours here in Malaysia.
Do take care of yourself
When I'm not around.
I guess I'll just have to wait a little while longer.
And a little while
To miss you even more.
-Jack-
Thursday, December 17, 2009
Sighs Of Penelope
This is a story
About Penelope,
And her love for a man name Odysseus.
He was a warrior of the ancient Greek myth.
He left his wife at home,
While he goes out for war with his enemies.
Penelope is his beloved wife.
He couldn't let anyone touch her,
Or own her after he left.
However,Penelope is also
A very loyal wife.
She waited for Odysseus,
Waiting for his return from the war.
A lot of suitors went to find her,
Hoping she'll marry them.
But she rejected them.
All this is not known by Odysseus,
Because he's just too far away from her.
He don't know how
Things goes like back there.
He clings on a hope that she'll wait for him.
No matter how long,
No matter how much it takes,
No matter how much pain she's facing.
His only hope is that Penelope won't leave him.
He thought of her
Every single day and night.
This missing feeling cuts him
Deep into his chest.
Its even worst from being
Shot by blind arrows.
Its a long way back.
His feet freezes,
As he strides pass ice cold water.
He's already numb,
The cold cuts the nerves
Of his arms and feet,
But not his heart.
He misses her.
Thousand miles he had walked,
So many things he wanted to tell her,
So many words he wanted to say,
But there's no one to share his thoughts.
The lonely feeling tortured him,
Slowly,
His memories died.
Leaving behind was
A solemn him,
He turned into another him.
He had lost his senses,
There is no more feeling inside him,
He became cold blooded.
He slays his enemy
Making the whole ground filled with blood.
The wanting of victory took over
What had left in his heart.
Millions of bodies laid there,
A river of red blood,
A view of gore scene.
He became insane,
He'd forgotten all about her.
Penelope waited for his return,
She was kneeling,
Saying her prayers when he lead his troops
Back to his hometown.
She was so glad upon seeing him,
But she was wrong.
Tears filled her beautiful eyes.
He doesn't care about her anymore,
His once shiny eyes,
Had turned dull and dead.
Penelope knew this is already the end.
Quietly,
She left him.
She knew,
She still love him,
No matter how much he changed,
Therefore she will not stay.
-Jack-
About Penelope,
And her love for a man name Odysseus.
He was a warrior of the ancient Greek myth.
He left his wife at home,
While he goes out for war with his enemies.
Penelope is his beloved wife.
He couldn't let anyone touch her,
Or own her after he left.
However,Penelope is also
A very loyal wife.
She waited for Odysseus,
Waiting for his return from the war.
A lot of suitors went to find her,
Hoping she'll marry them.
But she rejected them.
All this is not known by Odysseus,
Because he's just too far away from her.
He don't know how
Things goes like back there.
He clings on a hope that she'll wait for him.
No matter how long,
No matter how much it takes,
No matter how much pain she's facing.
His only hope is that Penelope won't leave him.
He thought of her
Every single day and night.
This missing feeling cuts him
Deep into his chest.
Its even worst from being
Shot by blind arrows.
Its a long way back.
His feet freezes,
As he strides pass ice cold water.
He's already numb,
The cold cuts the nerves
Of his arms and feet,
But not his heart.
He misses her.
Thousand miles he had walked,
So many things he wanted to tell her,
So many words he wanted to say,
But there's no one to share his thoughts.
The lonely feeling tortured him,
Slowly,
His memories died.
Leaving behind was
A solemn him,
He turned into another him.
He had lost his senses,
There is no more feeling inside him,
He became cold blooded.
He slays his enemy
Making the whole ground filled with blood.
The wanting of victory took over
What had left in his heart.
Millions of bodies laid there,
A river of red blood,
A view of gore scene.
He became insane,
He'd forgotten all about her.
Penelope waited for his return,
She was kneeling,
Saying her prayers when he lead his troops
Back to his hometown.
She was so glad upon seeing him,
But she was wrong.
Tears filled her beautiful eyes.
He doesn't care about her anymore,
His once shiny eyes,
Had turned dull and dead.
Penelope knew this is already the end.
Quietly,
She left him.
She knew,
She still love him,
No matter how much he changed,
Therefore she will not stay.
-Jack-
Monday, December 14, 2009
Insane
I feel sick of myself.
I don't understand what is right and what is wrong.
I don't understand myself.
I don't understand you.
What do all these circumstances imply?
Why am I treating myself this way,
And speak for another?
Am I who I am?
I seek your forgiveness.
My selfishness brought nothing,
But sadness and depress to you.
I'm afraid its almost time for me to be awake.
Its almost time to let go of everything within.
For what I trust turns out to be horrifying.
I cannot accept truth.
Thus,
Always am I living in this,
Self-minded world.
I'm afraid.
I worried.
Indeed,too much for you.
I can't give in.
As if giving my whole life away.
Do you understand me?
No,you won't.
Because even I do not understand myself.
What is there more for me to live?
Life full of regrets?
Or a tale of my past,
With much tears and not joy?
The first cut is the deepest.
I finally know what she's trying to tell me.
Not the pain in my flesh.
But the pain that I'll bring throughout the rest of my life.
I have no authority to speak about your truth and lie.
I hope this mistake,
Will be able to wake me up.
Its a dream.
And I've been missing a puzzle piece.
Ever since.
I'm sick of myself.
-Jack-
I don't understand what is right and what is wrong.
I don't understand myself.
I don't understand you.
What do all these circumstances imply?
Why am I treating myself this way,
And speak for another?
Am I who I am?
I seek your forgiveness.
My selfishness brought nothing,
But sadness and depress to you.
I'm afraid its almost time for me to be awake.
Its almost time to let go of everything within.
For what I trust turns out to be horrifying.
I cannot accept truth.
Thus,
Always am I living in this,
Self-minded world.
I'm afraid.
I worried.
Indeed,too much for you.
I can't give in.
As if giving my whole life away.
Do you understand me?
No,you won't.
Because even I do not understand myself.
What is there more for me to live?
Life full of regrets?
Or a tale of my past,
With much tears and not joy?
The first cut is the deepest.
I finally know what she's trying to tell me.
Not the pain in my flesh.
But the pain that I'll bring throughout the rest of my life.
I have no authority to speak about your truth and lie.
I hope this mistake,
Will be able to wake me up.
Its a dream.
And I've been missing a puzzle piece.
Ever since.
I'm sick of myself.
-Jack-
Proud To Be A Taylorian
Ahh.
Just finish my spm just now in the afternoon.
Chinese paper.
It wasn't that bad.
Hey,look who posted some writings on my blog.
Well,who else?
Esther,of course.
Honestly,I didn't know she can write that well.
I'd just lost to my gurl.
Great.
Haha.
My head is still blank right now,
Don't have any idea to write poems and stufs.
Sorry dear.
I'll write when you leave for National Service.
After a whole lot of studies,
I guess,
Its time to relax.
Bought lots of DVDs yesterday.
I finally got SAW VI which I'd waited for so long.
Since October.
Since Halloween !!
Gosh.
I'd checked out my soon-to-be college (Year 2011).
Taylor's Lakeside Campus.
Awesome facilities.
Though it's still halfway complete.
It's VERY big.
Ample parking space.
Big multipurpose halls(MPH they call them).
Elevators.
Just pure cool.
Saw quite a number of SU'rians there during the Pre-U open day.
Guess its going to be another SU gathering.
Hahaha.
I'm taking A-Levels.
Then Law.
Esther is also entering Taylor's.
But in March.
Thanks to her National Service thing.
She's taking A-Levels too.
Perhaps,
If we're lucky enough,
Our classes might clash.
We might end up in the same class for certain subjects.
Don't mind me.
I'm just hoping to spend more time with her.
Haihz.
Her brother is coming back today.
Actually soon when i'm writing this.
She's in KLIA now.
Waiting for her brother's arrival.
Then on the 16th,
She'll be flying to Korea.
Vacation.
Its been a while since we really last met.
I miss her.
Sigh.
After Christmas I am so going to go out with her.
26th of December !!
=)
Darling.
Take care of yourself when i'm not around.
Okay?
I love you more and more each day.
-Jack-
Just finish my spm just now in the afternoon.
Chinese paper.
It wasn't that bad.
Hey,look who posted some writings on my blog.
Well,who else?
Esther,of course.
Honestly,I didn't know she can write that well.
I'd just lost to my gurl.
Great.
Haha.
My head is still blank right now,
Don't have any idea to write poems and stufs.
Sorry dear.
I'll write when you leave for National Service.
After a whole lot of studies,
I guess,
Its time to relax.
Bought lots of DVDs yesterday.
I finally got SAW VI which I'd waited for so long.
Since October.
Since Halloween !!
Gosh.
I'd checked out my soon-to-be college (Year 2011).
Taylor's Lakeside Campus.
Awesome facilities.
Though it's still halfway complete.
It's VERY big.
Ample parking space.
Big multipurpose halls(MPH they call them).
Elevators.
Just pure cool.
Saw quite a number of SU'rians there during the Pre-U open day.
Guess its going to be another SU gathering.
Hahaha.
I'm taking A-Levels.
Then Law.
Esther is also entering Taylor's.
But in March.
Thanks to her National Service thing.
She's taking A-Levels too.
Perhaps,
If we're lucky enough,
Our classes might clash.
We might end up in the same class for certain subjects.
Don't mind me.
I'm just hoping to spend more time with her.
Haihz.
Her brother is coming back today.
Actually soon when i'm writing this.
She's in KLIA now.
Waiting for her brother's arrival.
Then on the 16th,
She'll be flying to Korea.
Vacation.
Its been a while since we really last met.
I miss her.
Sigh.
After Christmas I am so going to go out with her.
26th of December !!
=)
Darling.
Take care of yourself when i'm not around.
Okay?
I love you more and more each day.
-Jack-
Motionless
Of time could stand still, I'd freeze it here,
So you'd always hold me, close and near.
In your arms, where I'm meant to be,
Filled with the perfect love you've given me.
A bond so strong, a hold so tight
To know you're the one,my "My. Right".
A blessing sent from the above,
In you I've found my one true love.
Our lives entwined to be as one,
Upon this journey we've just begun.
Where you and I will find no less
Than eternal love and happiness.
-Esther-
So you'd always hold me, close and near.
In your arms, where I'm meant to be,
Filled with the perfect love you've given me.
A bond so strong, a hold so tight
To know you're the one,my "My. Right".
A blessing sent from the above,
In you I've found my one true love.
Our lives entwined to be as one,
Upon this journey we've just begun.
Where you and I will find no less
Than eternal love and happiness.
-Esther-
Keeper Of My Dreams
When you're not here to share my day and nights
My life is so incomplete
For you are my heart and my soul
The 'oneness' I had known to seek
Without you I merely exist from day to day
With you I know that I will find
All that I have been searching for
My completeness and my eternal peace of mind
You are the keeper of my dreams
The guy who holds my heart in his hands
The one I want to spend my life with
The one with whom I will always stand
Stand beside through thick and thin
Through all that life will throw our way
Knowing that this special love we share
Will guide us, each and every day
This journey was started long ago
Before this and place
The journey of completeness
As two hearts and soul embrace
-Esther-
My life is so incomplete
For you are my heart and my soul
The 'oneness' I had known to seek
Without you I merely exist from day to day
With you I know that I will find
All that I have been searching for
My completeness and my eternal peace of mind
You are the keeper of my dreams
The guy who holds my heart in his hands
The one I want to spend my life with
The one with whom I will always stand
Stand beside through thick and thin
Through all that life will throw our way
Knowing that this special love we share
Will guide us, each and every day
This journey was started long ago
Before this and place
The journey of completeness
As two hearts and soul embrace
-Esther-
Thinking of You
I thought of you today
But that's nothing new
I thought about you yesterday
and the day before that too
for every day good or bad you'll always be in my head
I hope you've understood everything iv said
This isn't just a joke or a silly lie
Id never do anything to make you wanna cry
I'm sorry if i do something to make you really mad
It only comes back and makes me really sad
I really do love you and everything you are
I hope this relationship gets really far
Ill never get you out i simply don't know how
In fact I'm thinking of you right about now
Your everything i need and everything to me
You know exactly who you are and what you want to be
You always make me smile just by being there
I hope you know how much i really do care
Every time i think of you my stomach seems to twist
This is why i love you, Ive made a huge list
The list goes on forever and never will it end
Neither will our relationship you'll away be my friend
not just a simple friend but a special friend at that
I want to spend my whole life with you, i really do Jack =)
I honestly love you
I hope you love me too
This isn't just a stupid game
I really hope you feel the same
Because today tomorrow my whole life through
I will never stop loving you
-Esther-
(sorry for the grammar error)
But that's nothing new
I thought about you yesterday
and the day before that too
for every day good or bad you'll always be in my head
I hope you've understood everything iv said
This isn't just a joke or a silly lie
Id never do anything to make you wanna cry
I'm sorry if i do something to make you really mad
It only comes back and makes me really sad
I really do love you and everything you are
I hope this relationship gets really far
Ill never get you out i simply don't know how
In fact I'm thinking of you right about now
Your everything i need and everything to me
You know exactly who you are and what you want to be
You always make me smile just by being there
I hope you know how much i really do care
Every time i think of you my stomach seems to twist
This is why i love you, Ive made a huge list
The list goes on forever and never will it end
Neither will our relationship you'll away be my friend
not just a simple friend but a special friend at that
I want to spend my whole life with you, i really do Jack =)
I honestly love you
I hope you love me too
This isn't just a stupid game
I really hope you feel the same
Because today tomorrow my whole life through
I will never stop loving you
-Esther-
(sorry for the grammar error)
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